literature

You're Ridic

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Literature Text

"And here. We. Go."

"Can you please stop saying that like the Joker?"

"I'm fairly certain that I cannot."

"Jake, that's ridiculous. Just stop."

"You're ridic!"

"Um, excuse me?"

"You're ridic. You. Are. Ridiculous."

"Ugh. I regret ever shortening a word around you."

"Yaaay!"

"Whatever. I've about had it with your antics today. You're driving me crazy."

"Crazy Taxi!"

"Do you want me to lose it right now?"

"I want to be the very best."

"The best at what, Jake? Making people hate you? Ticking people off? Being an immature, annoying idiot?!"

"Like no one ever was."

"Just answer the freaking question."

"To catch them is my real test."

"What? What are you talking about?"

"To train them is my cause!"

"Is that th--"

"I will travel across the lands, searching far and wide."

"Are you singi--"

"Each Pokémon to understand the power that's inside!"

"Yep. Pokémon theme song. Yet again."

"Pokémon! Gotta' catch 'em. It's you and me!"

"You sing this song ev--"

"I know it's my destiny!"

"...ery freaking day."

"Pokémon! Oh, you're my best friend, in a world we must defend."

"Y'know..."

"Pokémon, gotta' catch 'em!"

"I hate."

"A heart so true!"

"This freaking."

"Our courage will pull us through!"

"Song."

"You teach me and I'll teach you! Po--ké--mon!"

"Might as well just let you finish."

"Gotta' catch 'em all! Gotta' catch 'em all!"

"Finally."

"Yeah..."

"Back to what I was going to--"

"Every challenge along the way--"

"No! Just shut up! You are not singing the second verse too!"

"with courage"

"Jake..."

"Iwillface. Ok I'm done I'm done! Don't hurt me!"

"Whatever. Let's just go already. What did you need from the store anyways?"

"Cellphone."

"For what? Who are you even going to call?"

"Ghostbusters!"

"..."

"Sorry! You set me up perfectly; I couldn't resist."

"Uh-huh. Sure."

"It's the truth!"

"So, what did you actually need the phone for?"

"Mine's pretty much shot from being dropped all the time. Figured it's about time to get a new one."

"Ah, ok. Makes sense I guess. Is that all you need?"

"Yeah. Well, I'll probably pick up some popcorn or cheese balls or something. Or sunflower seeds. I haven't had any of those in ages."

"I've always thought you were kinda a freak for eating those things whole. Normal people spit out the shells, you know."

"#*@%, Erin! No nee--"

"Wait, what did you just say?"

"Your name...?"

"No, before that, dimwit."

"#*@%?"

"Yeah, what the heck was that?"

"Comic book cussing!"

"What do you mean?"

"You know how in comics they sometimes cuss by using random strings of symbols?"

"Yeah."

"Well, I just say the names of the symbols horrendously fast. I tend to say '#*@%' alot, so it's been kinda bastardized into something more like 'shstrikant.'"

"Oh, ok..."

"In reality, it should be 'hash asterisk at percent.' I imagine it's a whole lot easier to decipher when I make up a new one, since it probalby won't come out nearly as slurred as 'shstrikant' does. Maybe not though, 'cuz I do this so much and so fast I think it kinda just all slurs anymore. Half the time I don't think I even say anything that sounds anything like the symbols I've got in my head, y'know? I just kinda end up with random gobledygook spilling outta' my throat like water out of an overfilled bucket. Actually, it's probably more like food out of a coughing baby's mouth, that's a little less elegant that water out of a bucket, usually. I don't know though, what do you--why are you smiling at me like that?"

"Oh, nothing. Just remembering one of the reasons I still put up with you."

"And that would be?"

"I don't know."

"You just said you were thinking about it, how could you not know?"

"Well, I do, but I don't. If that makes any sense."

"It doesn't."

"I just...I guess I just don't know how to explain it, y'know? It's like...something about your rambling like you just did. I like it, kinda sorta. I don't really, I guess, because I usually have no clue what you're talking about, y'know? But it's kinda...I don't know. Cute or something? No...funny maybe? No, those aren't the right words. Something like that though, y'know?"

"You're nervous, y'know?"

"No I'm not! Why would you think that?"

"Y'know, I'm not sure. It's just, y'know, something about how you talk, y'know? There's just a little, y'know, something that gives it away or something, y'know? Like there's a--"

"Ok, ok, ok! I get it! You just can't help dissecting everything I say, can you?"

"It's all right. I understand--I'm just that awesome, y'know? And I'm fairly certain that I cannot help it."

"Rhetorical question, Jake. And why do you always say that?"

"Why do I always do anything I do?"

"Good point."

"Good, because I really had no clue what you were asking about, so I just kinda made that answer up."

"Haha...oh, Jake. You are one crazy kid."

"I am not a baby goat! How could you say such a thing?!"

"Oh, get over yourself."

"I'm not even going to start on that one. There's just too much I could say. Consider yourself lucky."

"You know what, Jake?"

"I've heard of him, but never actually met him myself."

"Huh? Oh, nevermind. I get it. Anyways, what I was going to say was that I'm really, really glad I know you. Despite all your insanity and craziness and whatever else you've got in there, you're a genuinely good ki--guy. Better than any brother I grew up with, that's for sure."

"What's this? Is Erin being sincere? Well, isn't that just adorable? And nice save there, by the way."

"Dork. Still love ya though, kid."

"Aw...I love you too, no homo."

"You just can't resist, can you?"

"I'm fairly--"

"You're fairly certain you cannot. Yeah yeah, I know already."
100 Theme Challenge 2011 - 59 - Censored

A lot of Jake's character in this is based off of various things I say, and how I act when I'm in my more hyper states. I think for the most part it all works well enough without having to know any context from my life, but if a phrase really doesn't make sense, then there was probably some inside joke that goes with it. The title itself is one of my favorite phrases I came up with after the girls I hung out with seemed to go on a "let's shorten random words" kick. When they said "gorge" (gorgeous) and "presh" (precious), I told them that they were "ridic" (which conveniently sounds like "You're a dick." when you say it out loud).

I had a lot of fun writing this, simply because I got to go crazy with Jake, and also because I forced myself to have purely dialogue (which I usually lack).
© 2012 - 2024 SnoringFrog
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